The hurt within the pain

That sad weird moment when people judge you because they sadly don't understand you.

What can I say other then you haven't walked a mile in my shoes and I honestly don't want you to because I don't want you to experience the pain that I've gone through the pain that I have to deal with or the debilitating pain that I go through on a daily basis emotionally, mentally and physically. 

Just know that I love you and that although you don't understand why I do what I do it's not okay to judge me or mistreat me or treat me like I am any less than you because it hurts me, I am human and have feelings too and like it hurts you when I'm doing something that you think is hurting me, please know in a way it is helping me, but it actually hurts me when you don't understand how it is helping me. 

these boys ain't loyal

This is going to be a tough one... but somebody's gotta do it, and I was blessed with a bold spirit and an amazing attitude.. full of gratitude! & that's exactly where I want to start at because I have realized that one must be thankful for all that we experience and go through on a DAILY BASIS! Crazy I know, but as time goes on I am learning more and more that not only this too shall pass but also it is serving a purpose, there's a reason for it and I am learning something from it so i must be grateful! It can be something I want, something I don't want in a person that I am learning and that my friends believe it or not is shaping us and in some weird way shaping and allowing us to see what we want, don't want, will settle for and will not settle for.

In my short time on earth I believe I have been in relationships whether intimate or not with plenty of men and boys, to come to the conclusion that "these boys ain't loyal". Notice I said boys and not necessarily men because there is a difference, men know what they want and go after it, boys like to play games and go around seeing what sticks to them... plain and simple.

Okay... so here is what I have experienced, now don't knock me down I have actually gone through this in the past at different points in my life with different people, different situations and based on my experience here is the data I have collected.

If a boy/men does not have a vision or plan for his life he really can't take you seriously. (taking you out to dinner, drinks, dating, having sleepovers and sex with you is not taking you seriously) why do I say this you may ask? He has no real agenda for his life and neither for you in his life. I say that because if a man really knew the purpose that he was created for and the help that he need to accomplish that purpose he would realize the need he has for you in life because of the help you will provide and how you will be able to help one another out.

Countless times have I tried to help someone I was in a relationship with in some shape or form and countless times have I wanted them to see my potential and how I can be of benefit to them or build a life together and countless times, again and again I have seen it demolished right in front of my eyes or even backfire. It never really ends up in any good because these boys don't feel like they need help, they feel like they got themselves or they have mom that helps them, either or they have no need for you so only choose to see you as an option and a form of entertainment, try to pass some time or see how far they can get with you.

Even sadder is that this world is now getting used to this fake instant gratification from instagram hearts and facebook likes. They run to a quick snap of a friend only one picture away. It is sad what dating in this day has come down to. There is no consistency and all this independence, all this social media portraying of what "bae" should look like, all these DM's that are unheard of, unseen snaps, no one knows what loyalty is nowadays, it is rare and it doesn't exist to many and this technology is only making  it worse!

What happened to the days you used to talk to one person and make things work, better yet pursue that person to pursue a future together, I think that's the different between men and boys. One knows what they want while the other is constantly in search of it. What happens to the days when being loyal meant everything? Having someones back and supporting them was one of the first things that needed to be there? This world as we know it, if we don't do our part to change it and correct something when we know is wrong is doomed! Jesus, please take the wheel! This world needs more of you! P.S. For my sisters out there, please know that if he is not chasing after Jesus then he shouldn't be chasing after you. That's what the next post will be about how we must remember our worth and value and not try to justify or rationalize why we should stay in a relationship we know we have no business being in!

I finally said Yes!

October 6, 2016

Why you love me, I'll never know... but I'll tell the world until everyone knows! 

It has seriously been a RELENTLESS PURSUIT. God has been chasing after me like no other, like no one ever has or will, for that matter. I am truly humbled, honored, privileged to be chosen to be given all of this love, mercy and grace which I thought I was so undeserving off. I am thankful to God for not leaving my side when things got ugly and even when I turned away from Him and did not seek Him like I should have. I am thankful He did not give up even when I thought I did. 

So, with that being said.... I finally said Yes! I said yes to God! October 6, 2016 was the day I said I do and I will and yes yes yes! I honestly did not plan it or saw it happening this way, but He did! (Because He knows us better than we know ourselves)

You see, I thought I was "married to Jesus" this whole time but little did I know I was only dating him! What am I saying, I sound like a crazy woman lol but I have to be real with God and myself first and after a couple of heart checks I realized I would go on dates with Jesus from time to time and then go on dates with people or things of this world I had already dropped in my past.

When you are in a commitment, relationship, or "engaged" to someone you should not be talking or entertaining other people or things and that's what happened friends, that's part of my story. Crazy thing is that while growing up this was something that was instilled in me from my parents, when you have a boyfriend it's that person that you are committed to and no one else but something happened along the way where something changed. 

After much running around and not being pleased by anything or anyone in this world, (the Lord allowed a lot to happen so that I can see that it truly is all vanity like Ecclesiastes says) I finally decided (a choice and decision I came to make based on past experiences) it was time to step my commitment up a notch and re-commit myself to Him alone and not others until and if He decides to bring someone else in my life that will love me, pursue me, chase me, treat me, value me, accept me, challenge me and appreciate me the way that He does! I want to and need to be FAITHFUL to Him first and then if it is meant to be with someone else at least I will have this solid foundation of being faithful and loyal to God first before everyone and everything else. 

Listen up, this is hard, it took me five years to say yes to this commitment, and now I am even more scared, this is something serious and it is not to be played with but I figured if I don't start here by submitting to God now in my single season how do I expect to humble myself and submit myself to any other human being? It took a while to get me here but I am grateful that God doesn't give up on us even if other people do. It is going to be hard but no one said relationships were easy and that's exactly what I am doing building a real relationship with my one true King the one that will be with me eternity and beyond because this life is fleeting, these riches, these looks, none of this goes to heaven with us so why focus on anything else but that which will last through eternity & beyond? Like Luke says, the birds don't work and they get food so why do we worry about our tomorrow when today is not even done with yet? 

Tunnel vision to what God has for me and what He wants from me. I know there is a lot for me to do on this planet earth until I am called home so I will follow Jesus as He leads me to my promise land and all that He has called me to be! There's a lot to do and not enough time, I am done wanting to be someone's wife because I am someone's bride to be and His love is like nothing I can get from anyone on earth. His love just fills you up and makes you feel free and alive! 

King Jesus and Glendy till the end! 

Comment below with your questions I would love to answer any doubts! 

Caroude & Max Maternity Shoot

I recently had the beautiful blessing to be able to hold a camera (not mine) for the ministry I am a part of and I have developed this interest which I have always had but now more on {photography}. I love the beauty of capturing memories and moments for a lifetime, it is just a hobby for now but only God knows what it could lead to. With that being said, about two weeks ago I got the uttermost honor and privilege to photograph my beautiful brother and sister Caroude & Max as they welcome this new journey in their lives right before leaving to Maryland with their bundle of joy who is still in the oven! Can't wait to meet you baby boy! For now mommy and daddy will continue to have their fun until your arrival!

Do you know who you are?

Lack of Identity will get us into a lot of trouble.. Ever remember being young, growing up and trying to fit in? trying to find some cool friends to hang out with, people who accepted you and wanted to kick it with you? Earlier today I was having a good conversation with a good old friend of mine today on relationships and I decided to speak on the topic of our "Adam" aka our MEN {Head of the household} who needs to be aligned with the word of God or God himself in order to direct us and guide us and them even function properly.

You see I was born in a time where I do not agree with what "the world" is doing. The world is so blind, lost and confused but I believe the root of it is

#1 Men are not following God their creator, refuse to follow Him and His ways.

#2 Are blinded by this world and the lies of the world (what they watch on tv and hear on the radio) about men with multiple women, calling your woman the "B" word.

Things that were not acceptable 100 of years ago. Men have lost so much respect for women, for who they are, what they do, what they sacrifice and even themselves. They are deceived lost, and have no sense of real identity because they choose to deny their creator JESUS CHRIST. It is so sad that men are not being the Kingdom Men they are called to be and not living their lives to their full potential, it really saddens me how men try to run away from their selves, their past, their feelings, their emotions, the needy greedy, the bottom of the bottom. It needs to be spoken about, they are not being the leaders they are called to be.

 Finding a woman to marry is a blessing and a good thing, he who finds a wife finds favor with the Lord. How can men deny their creator? So this is the root of the problem, they have no identity. Therefore, they follow the crowd, follow what the world does and messes women up, mess families up and generations and generations to come.

WE MUST STOP THEM! We must stop this from spreading, stand up, fight, tell them ITS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!! IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! THIS IS NOT YOU! THIS IS WHO THE WORLD HAS MADE YOU OUT TO BE! DECIDE TO MAKE A CHANGE FROM YOUR WAYS!

Prayer is powerful and it can change everything

Don't worry about anything but Pray about everything 

There is something amazing and powerful about prayer, prayer changes everything, I thank God for choosing me and not giving up on me, just like He won't give up on you, as long as you don't turn your back or give up on Him. You know, the enemy is clever and he will keep you busy and preoccupied as much as he can to keep you away from your purpose in life, and from doing what you were created for: be in a relationship with GOD and others, very clever. You see, he can sneak up on you as relationships, work, things that we think are blessings but truly they are distractions in disguise. We must "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."  as it is written in 1 Peter 5:8 we must not focus on what is going on (the storm) but we must stay alert because the enemy is looking for someone to distract and take away from the plans that God has. Pray without ceasing.

Keep God first, He will never leave you last.

 

Putting God first puts everything else in perspective. Not only that but it makes life worth living, it makes gloomy days brighter and it makes you be the best version of you that He created you to be no matter the storm you are facing or the situation you are in.

 

What I really and exactly mean by putting God first at least in my case is giving Him the first of everything. The first hour of your day, the last hour of your day, your first thoughts are to Him and for Him thanking Him for waking us up and all He has given us. Spending time in His word makes all the difference, that quality 1 on 1 time with Him, nothing and no one compares to that. Seek Him first and He will give you all else!

 

God loves you and me so so much that He will not force us to 1. come to Him 2. Love Him 3. put Him first. He is LOVE. He is Patient, He is Kind, He is not proud, envious or boastful. He does not dishonor us, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs!!!

Our God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth!

He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

His Love never fails!!

 

Thank you Jesus!

Decision making ❤️ Jesus changed my life

DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS...

THANK YOU GOD FOR HAVING MY BACK, ALWAYS! <3

Can decision making be hard by God or what?! Oh em gee gee ❤️ I am so thankful to God for sending his son Jesus Christ to die for me.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV)

I wish my parents would have brought me up in the truth of Christ, the discipline and instruction of The Lord, they did not and that pushes me to one day do it with my own. I am thankful I am only 25 years old and met The Lord 3 years ago, I am not perfect and sure knows I want to be but I must come to the conclusion and acceptance that the only perfect one who was and is to come is Jesus Christ our lord & savior. Because of what Christ did for us I will not be quiet and I will not stop sharing what he has done and will continue to do in my life.

I am sure that He that began a good work in me will complete it, I am thankful because although I'm not where I want to be and probably should be I know God has not given up on me just yet, I know I am on my way to greatness, day by day, through the struggles, trials, pain and suffering I will honor God with my life and my body. 

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,

What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. 

Philippians 1:9, 18-22 ESV

To be continued........

God is Love

 Loving like Jesus loves.

I don't and can't but maybe do, expect you to love me like Jesus loves me. But who am I kidding? Human beings cannot fully love or express love like God the Father and Jesus the son can. We always miss the mark one way or another, we are far from perfect. Whether it be in deed, thought or word.

Only God can provide that love that is so deep, the love that my heart craves, a love that only Jesus the creator of love, can satisfy. Thank you Jesus! You see friends, in the obedience that Jesus showed to the father by going to the cross and sacrificing his life even if he did not feel like it or want to or even how much pain he had to endure he did it, because he knew that's what God had called Him to do so through Him we can all now have a relationship with God like he intended for us to have since the beginning of time.

The greatest commandment we have been given is “You shall love the Lord your God with all you heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind,” and “the second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37, 39) because of these commandments, what do you think we must be working every day at doing? Not only seeking, pursuing a relationship with God but also with others! Not only pursuing but loving. What does love mean? 

According to the dictionary the word love is a noun. 

an intense feeling of deep affection. "babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"

synonyms:

deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment; devotion, adoration, doting, idolization, worship

According to the bible the meaning of love is that according to 1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

This is the way I pray to love and be loved in return. 

 

Adam sinned but Jesus didn't ❤️

    Jesus is my savior, my example, my righteous mighty king, the one who loved me so much because of our father, master and King our almighty God. 

Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. (Romans 5:18-19 ESV)

Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 5:20-21 ESV)

I'm not sure if any of you struggle or have ever struggled with any sinful nature but I know I sadly do and it hurts, this really spoke to me and I wanted to share so I pray it speaks to someone. I love you all, this fight, this walk of obedience can be hard but I know God loves us but I also know He is just, I am so undeserving but Jesus made a way.

Let's try every day to be better for Him and while living for Him, loving like Him we will lead others to Him in Jesus name! 

Difference between love and in love

I believe there is a big difference between loving and "being in love". I believe we were created to be in a loving relationship with Christ and people we meet and encounter. We must treat everyone with excellence, excellence of love, your character is defined by how you treat those that can do nothing for you. But God sees it all.

Now about being in love I believe the only way you can do that is by developing a long time long term relationship with Jesus Christ and getting to know more of him and his love to be consumed by his love and fall in love with him. 

Worthy, Valued, Blessed & Highly Favored

I once thought that my worth and value came from having a husband, having a business, having money, having a nice car, a nice house by the beach, a big family, friends, a degree, etc. I NOW know that none of that is worthy, none of that gives ME Value. None of that can truly satisfy the love you crave deep down in your soul, none of that can compare to what and for WHOM you were created for. I know because I tried, I tried it all. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, money, partying, working hard, two jobs, having my own business, nice dinners, no job, nice house, nice car, and none of it has truly satisfied me or that deep loving fulfilling desire my soul craves how only God can satisfy me and you. Have you ever felt you were created for more? Through God My eyes have been opened and I am now able to see the truth of what true love is and should be not only that but I've been blessed to experience what Christ's love, respect and honor is in a relationship. It was hard, I am not going to lie, we did not kiss or lay together, we did not do much other then hug from time to time and do a lot of talking? Why? Because #1 we chose to honor God with our bodies and mind, meaning we would not cause each other to stumble or fall into temptation. The enemy is clever and we have to be careful because he is looking for someone to destroy! Don't let it be you! Stay alert and stay plugged in, God has the perfect person for you, spend your time with God, seek Him, put Him first and He will give you everything else. I leave you with this bible verse I stumbled upon  ❤️

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV)

Husbands, love your wives.

The Greatest thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.

 

Husbands, Love your wives as God loves the church.

Wives, submit to your husbands as if you were submitting to God.

 As I begin to write this I will say that this is only by the grace of God that I am able to share this with you.
I am so happy and excited to see God at work and I thank Him. 

For about a decade of my life I spent it looking for love in all the wrong places and all the wrong faces. 
 

I'm going to change the world

One moment at a time, One person at a time ❤️


Have you ever thought you can change the world? Has it ever crossed your mind that you do make a difference on earth and you can make it a positive or a negative difference all according to your thoughts, words or actions. Our thoughts dictate our actions which dictate our future if our thoughts are not aligned with God and His word then our actions and future will reflect that of this world. I am lucky enough to have chosen to know better and therefore do better. You see me up there all the way to the right? See my big smile? Along with these sisters in love & Christ we are going to change the world. For generations and the generations to come in Jesus name! 🙏❤️

It is pretty clear to me that I am born to go around the world and preach the gospel. I must tell everyone about the good news, however I also recognize that before that can take place there is alot of changing and growing that must be done in my part. I need to be seeking GOD wholeheartedly non-stop 24/7, that way I can truly be renewed and transformed into the butterfly He has called me to be.

Called to make Disciples, who make disciples that make disciples ❤️

Jesus has given me everything I am going to need for the rest of my life with Him ❤️ Who am I to think I need to be better? Thank you God. I am sorry for wanting to do things my own way, I surrender and give you full control, Jesus take the wheel 😚😚🙌❤️

I thought I needed to go to school and get a degree because that's what the world will make you think, I also had my dad telling me I was a nobody without a degree and that I would stay getting paid $9 an hour (mind you I get paid $12) & have a Gift and Talent from God that not a lot of people have so I am sometimes able to make some pocket change / extra income besides my full time job. My dad is 61 years old and going to school to get his masters degree which is great and he needs it because he wants to become a CPA. Great for him! I don't need to do that. I want to let him know that at the end of the day none of that knowledge matters or goes to heaven with you all that we take is what we did for Jesus and for others and their salvation here on earth. I wish I could explain that to him but it is so hard because he is so set on the world and the ways of the world but I have made it my mission to prove to him that you do not need a college degree in order to be successful in Christ / Life. This lie the world feeds you of having to chase money to get a house to have a spouse to then have a family raise them work at a job you barely like to pay bills to get by to get through life to then get old and sick and die, are we serious? Where in the world is the good in that? We need to help the world get saved by doing what God has called us to do, the great commission, go, baptize and preach.

Which is why I titled this "Called to make Disciples, who make disciples that make disciples" I have been chosen and really we all have it just takes some longer than others to truly realiZe what the purpose that God has for our lives is. I asked God 10 years ago exactly what my lives purpose was and I know can hear Him answering back. I thank God for the honor and privilege of allowing a sinner like me to proclaim his truth, his way and his life, the only one that can save us and cleanse our filthy souls. You see, our souls are made of a 3 part being just like God. There is our will, our mind & our emotions as well as there is God the father, Jesus the son & the Holy Spirit 3 in 1 aka the Trinity.

Paul tells us in Romans 12:2

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"

As Prophet Jeremiah tells us in Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

How can we know what God's plan for our lives are if we have not developed a relationship with Him by reading His Holy bible His living water aka the Word which is alive and keeps us alive. You see, we take for granted the power that has been given to us as children of the most high, we also take for granted the power of our words and how we can speak Great things into existence because all of His power and riches Have been given to us it's just a matter of us positioning ourselves to receive it.

Solomon wrote, “Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body” (Ecclesiastes 12:12).
Any student who has pulled an all-nighter, crammed for a test, memorized an equation, or pored over a textbook can verify the truth of that statement. Solomon’s point was that there are more important things than simply amassing knowledge—namely, fearing God and obeying Him (verses 13-14).

That is not to say that education is unimportant. In fact, Jesus Himself learned. One of the only things we know of His childhood is that He “grew in wisdom” as He grew “in stature” (Luke 2:52). That is, the Son of God voluntarily put Himself in a position where He needed to assimilate knowledge as a man. Education was part of the process.

Anyhow, I've been struggling so Bad with school I just started again after like 7 years and I thought it would be great because I thought God put it in my heart to do but then realized it was the enemy and a super crazy idea soooooo I'll be Calling school tomorrow to see if dropping the class won't affect me having to pay money back or anything like that. It'll be better to withdraw than have an F on my GPA. None of it was fun for me sad to say very stressful painful hurtful pointless demanishing stupid crazy and totally against Gods will for my life. Very very sad times. Very hurtful and disappointing piercing through my heart. Full of bitterness and regret, ugly times. I have a lot of homework for psychology class & don't even wanna do that but I must finish. Yup I have to be very careful because the enemy is a liar and a deceiver and he can trick us into doing something that's completely out of Gods will for our lives at that point in time. Very upsetting but just shows me that I need to be at the feet of Jesus, I need to graduate from His school first, I need to be a student of Jesus not of the world. I have been gifted with gifts and talents I don't need to sharpen them or add extra or be better or be able to do more. I believe I have all that I need to accomplish his will through me. I just needed to position myself in order to receive it. Amen, 💪 we all have our own gifts and talents . Like that passage I read the other day said "the master is going to question us about what we did for his kingdom using our talents!" Not for the world, not for my mom and dad, not for my boyfriend or my self-knowledge, value, identity or scholarly wisdom. But for God and advancing his kingdom here on earth to my mom, my dad & millions of others in the name of Jesus of Nazareth! No weapon formed against us will ever prosper! My value and identity are found in Christ and His will. Anything outside of that is worthless, meaningless and pointless. Christ is King! 👑 Jesus Over Everything! Us believers we call that J.O.E 🙇

Location:Evergreen Ln,Davie,United States