God allows pain

I am not certain the reason that God allows pain, sometimes I think that it can be so we can experience Him in a deeper way, be closer to Him, I mean ultimately He experienced pain excruciating pain that not many can come close to. As tears roll down my cheeks I give thanks for knowing God intimately, knowing Him and having a real relationship with Him because through the pain and through the trials He is there! I honestly do not know what I would do without Him!1 I would not be here that is for sure!!

The hurt within the pain

That sad weird moment when people judge you because they sadly don't understand you.

What can I say other then you haven't walked a mile in my shoes and I honestly don't want you to because I don't want you to experience the pain that I've gone through the pain that I have to deal with or the debilitating pain that I go through on a daily basis emotionally, mentally and physically. 

Just know that I love you and that although you don't understand why I do what I do it's not okay to judge me or mistreat me or treat me like I am any less than you because it hurts me, I am human and have feelings too and like it hurts you when I'm doing something that you think is hurting me, please know in a way it is helping me, but it actually hurts me when you don't understand how it is helping me.